It seemed last night I did a lot of things. Actually last night I thought of sleeping earlier & my sister said that this is a terrible munity against myself. It’s like I wanted to wake up in the morning. It’s another thing that my time has been wasted. The mutiny was a flop. I slept only for an hour or so, & I saw MW in my dream. I woke up laughing as I just want to play one game on the net instead of 4 & I had that thing in my mind. Playing 4 games is indeed very time consuming. And lately I haven’t been able to waste time on these games or to return favors to my friends in these games.
I have also been forgetting things. And yesterday my mother asked me if I’m having an affair & I was like…Have you seen me talking to anyone on the phone? But she said that I could have met someone on the net & I told her that I only play 4 games & I don’t have time for chatting or a lousy affair of any kind whatsoever when I go online. The reason why she was imagining all this is: I forget from which shelf I pick tea, milk & sugar. For the past 2 days, I just couldn’t remember from where I picked up these things. I was never a very forgetful person, which is why I’m agitated. I have read about people who forget everything & I don’t want to become like them. Those who know me well know that I want reasons to worry about.
We all have heard how people feel lonely amongst people. I do…almost all the time when I’m with people. It even happens when I’m with my best people. It happens when I go for shopping. Naturally it’s kind of weird for me when I don’t feel lonely when I should. This happened with me last week & I haven’t been able to decipher why. I am intrigued, but totally clueless. There is no way I could search for the answer. Even though I’m a recluse, but I don’t feel lonely when I’m alone, but when I meet people, it happens. And when it didn’t happen one fine day, that turns out to be even more horrible!
In my last write up on ‘Noise Pollution,’ I missed one of the characters. I think 6 or 7 months ago, I saw this lady shouting at the top of her voice at Forum. I can’t say she was talking loudly for simple reason; justice cannot be done. It took me some seconds to recognize the lady. She was my ex-classmate. Naturally I ignored her. She was that kind. Even back at the uni, I came to know of her existence at the end of the 1st semester when she said to me that we never thought that you of all people too could get tanned, Nadira. I had the urge to tell her that you need to see my sisters & then you’d realize that I’m kali. But I only said, ‘Acha.’ Later on my friend told me that she was considered a beauty & my friend thought she was paindoo. Actually my friend only regarded herself a beauty. She was like a Barbie Doll, but something was dead in her. It’s amusing that some people are already dead while being alive & some people are gradually dying.
Also that god-damn story of Noshee is very disturbing. My friend was saying that one shouldn’t become like Noshee. I don’t think people become something of the sort. But the thing is…people don’t come out on the streets like her. However, somewhere we all are responsible for creating such characters. Whenever we jeer at someone, there’s a possibility of creating madness of some kind. I know few people who are totally cracked, but they aren’t doing anything like Noshee. On the other hand, you can’t even help such people. I once helped a deranged character, & I’m still paying the price. Helping out animals is more easy than helping out humans. Humans are extremely complicated & selfish to the core.
We all relate to different kinds of things…sometimes it may seem horrible, but we can relate to a bad feeling. Yesterday I read this:
“Pick ten strangers & stick them in a room, & ask them which one of us they feel sorrier for – you or me - & we all know who they’ll choose…I’m not saying that you’ve had it easy. It’s just that I have it worse, because every time I think my life sucks, I look at you & hate myself even more for thinking my life sucks in the 1st place.”
I’m still awake, but that mutiny turned out to be not all that bad. I have plenty of time.
