Whenever any of my pet dies, I never have the courage to go through his photos. And if I come across one, it’s pure torture. However, yesterday I plucked the courage to see Fluffy again. It’s true that good & bad memories can never balance each other. My last memories of Fluffy haven’t been nice. I couldn’t help asking myself as to where we went wrong.
We lack in diagnosis & not much could have been done. There is no ultrasound for animals. What else did we expect? His death was inevitable. The vets did whatever they could. They couldn’t find out what was wrong with him, but when they did, one vet did the surgery immediately without wasting any time.
But what I don’t get is that bad memories seem to weigh far more than the good ones. I remember details of the pics that I had taken. There were a couple of photos in which he was looking outside the window & then suddenly he became playful & within few seconds, he wanted to leave the room. It all seemed cute at that time. I even thought of posting those pics, but then I just couldn't.
I actually hated the pics that were taken on the last day & this is one of them. I hate myself more as I knew he wouldn’t make it & yet I wasn’t willing to give up on him. These pics are a grim reminder that I couldn't do much to lessen his pain. They say love will stand the test of time. I think it's bull shit. I feel I was a big disappointment & love in any form only makes one cry.
Fluffy died on 1st November & the baby brother of Coco & Brandy was killed in October. That was the most ominous day of my life. It has been almost 6 months, but the peace which I lost on that day, I haven’t retrieved it so far.
I didn’t have time to think of people who had issues with my cats, but then I don’t know what happened. I kept on talking about those assholes & bitches on my blog. You can only judge someone, if you have lived his life. Does it matter what people say when they don’t know you? They may think they know what you’re saying or doing, but they don’t. The fact is…they count for nothing & still I have written so much on them in these 6 months.
I used to say…other than enjoying life, I do nothing. And now I have forgotten that. These 2 deaths haven’t been any different from the death of my father.
