Happy Halloween!

Dear readers,

Z & I wish you a very happy Halloween!

Have loads of fun!

Unfortunately I haven’t spotted a single black cat or spooky bat in my garden or even else where in the Fairy Land & this is sheer hard luck as I have around 5 Halloween plants in my garden. Anyway I hope you all have fun whether the cat or bat comes our way or not.

Fluffy

While I’m writing this, I don’t know if the Angel of Death is flapping his wings. I don’t believe in miracles & I’ve seen that prayers too aren’t being answered when someone is dying. Fluffy has been ill for the past 4 days & the vet doesn’t know as to what is wrong with him.

First he was vomiting, then he had loose motions & now there is some kind of swelling in his stomach. His condition is of course deteriorating. Naturally one can cure a disease, if you happen to know the name of that illness. In this case, so far nobody knows anything. I don’t know why the vet took so long to ask us for Fluffy’s X-ray & blood test. And when it’s really critical, you don’t get the X-ray done or the blood test, because there are just two doctors & one lab in Karachi & I suppose there is no concept of emergency or anything. We went there but one of the doctors was just not confident enough to take out the blood & the other was way out of reach. Yeah people work but there is no such thing as working with passion. It’s just work that pays. It’s not work that might save somebody’s life.

Although I have seen animals coming out of critical conditions…Rijja & Bunty are 2 such examples. Rijja was in a far worse state than Fluffy.

Fluffy is my mother’s cat & she’s already upset. They say as long as there is life you can hope, but when you see life slipping away, what then? Right now he’s with me in the room & I do want him to live but I just hope that I’m around when he dies.

I also don’t believe in the power of love anymore as we are helpless when our kids are dying. We just can’t protect them. We can’t share their pain. We can’t lessen it either. They suffer on their own. When they die, they die alone & we live.

Yesterday I read that we live & learn, & then we die & forget all. How convenient!

Why do people hate?

The sage said, "The best thing is not to hate anyone, only to love. That is the only way out of it. As soon as you have forgiven those whom you hate, you have gotten rid of them. Then you have no reason to hate them; you just forget.

- Spiritual Dimensions of Psychology

There are people who don’t know you at all & yet they hate you so much. It’s a thing that happens all over the world. I once read that people hate as they love unreasonably. Sometimes people don’t even have a reason to hate anyone & yet they have severe problems with that person. We have some really biased examples of people hating others as they have another faith. It only shows that people don’t have any tolerance.

“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.”

James Baldwin

But can you believe it…there is something bigger than hate & love which is indifference! Sometimes I find it pitiable that indifference can do more damage than anything else.

“Indifference is the strongest force in the universe. It makes everything it touches meaningless. Love and hate don't stand a chance against it.”

Joan Vinge

But seriously I wonder how do people manage to take out all the time to detest others. Holding a grudge against someone is not an easy thing. You become a slave of that emotion. This infinite hatred is the emotion that eats up a person. Hatred is more or less a fatal disease that will ultimately kill you but then the question is: are these people really alive who are being consumed by this emotion?

People even have issues when they see others happy. You know if a person is laughing or having a good time…that doesn’t mean he/she is happy. But even if you’re having a bit of fun, some folks have problems.

Having problem with someone else’s existence only shows that this is some sort of a complex.

Peace of Mind

To me peace of mind is very important. But when I hear the question: is peace within you? Quite frankly, I don’t have any answer. I actually don’t know the answer.

Sometimes I get mails from some acquaintances. Yeah I’m easy to talk to but that doesn’t mean I have all the answers & I could solve all the problems. Moreover, a formula that works for one person may not work for another. Life is one long journey. In some cases, it’s not even long. We have seen the deaths of so many young people lately. Plus it’s your temperament too that matters & how much shit can you take. What have you experienced so far? Have you learnt anything or are you still stupid?

I have never maintained a dairy. Once I heard Bushra Ansari saying that maintaining a dairy is a dangerous thing. Again I don’t know. I have shared a lot of things with my few readers on this blog. When I’m bothered, I write. And yes in a way that is catharsis. When I want to have some fun, I write. Those who have seen life closely may know that I am an honest writer.

I suppose the 1st step is honesty & then at some point in life, you might acquire peace of mind. And by honesty, I didn’t mean that you tell people everything but you’ve got to be honest with yourself. We all have faults. We all make mistakes. We make bad choices. Some of us like me get fooled also every now & then. Again this doesn’t mean that we should stop trusting & start lying & playing games. Everything happens for a damn good reason.

Over the years, I’ve met countless folks who believe that their problem is the biggest. Even though millions of people are going through the same shit, it just doesn’t count. Although they pity themselves, yet they want others to sympathize with them as well. No matter how sarcastic or blunt one is, there are times when we just don’t say anything bad. And you can’t show the mirror to people if they believe in imaginary pictures.

I think in whichever direction you go, you can’t have peace unless you confront yourself. You can’t have peace unless you’re not honest with yourself. We all have heard that God helps those who help themselves. I guess it’s true.

Arjun Rampal

I first saw Arjun Rampal when I was in college & I just adored him as a model. He has that kind of aura around him that makes him extraordinary. He is the very definition of a demigod. On top of it, he also acts well.

However, I find it quite amusing that people like Arjun Rampal never brag about their good looks. He knew he was good-looking & all that when he was new in the field. On the other hand, extremely ordinary looking people like Kajol couldn’t help proving otherwise.

Anyhow, Elaan has been one of my favourite movies & I was utterly devastated when Arjun Rampal dies in it. Incidentally, I felt the same way when Samantha (the dog Sam) dies in I am Legend. Which simply mean I really like Arjun Rampal. I saw bit of Rock on & I think he did a great job. And I just love the title song of Rock on but I don’t like Farhan Akhtar’s voice. And of course Arjun Rampal was the best thing in Om Shanti Om.

Mysteries of the Dark

In the good old days, darkness had decided to overshadow a few chosen ones. The dark mysteries had fallen upon those who were unlike the rest of the lot.

They knew not what surrounded them. But that did not mean that they were free. There was always a strange presence circling around. It was just a matter of time that the darkness conquered over all that was left.

Perplexed in the beginning the Talky Shadow could not understand whatever was happening and what was in the hiding for the two of them. While the Shorty Shadow thought they would beat the darkness at its own game.

But they were wrong. For this was not the usual battle that they had to face. It was beyond their imagination. The only reason the darkness had not overcome the two earlier was because it had chosen not to before the time was right in a perfect way. And as we speak ... the time had come.

The shadows could not resist the power of the dark. It did not take long and Talky and Shorty were both in Control. In control of the Dark. There were moments of confusion at once. There were times they knew not how to react. They could not fully understand the purpose of this change and the reason why it was them and no other Two people in such a huge world.

However it didn't take so long while the two had accepted the reality of the dark mysteries. The two wander in the dark now.... searching for something that is unknown...perhaps for something that doesn't even exist. But the search continues...

(PS: All those who will read this post this is all fictitious and we are completely sane. The pictures led to the creation of this post :P)

Remembering Mumtaz :P

Since yesterday Nadzy and I have been talking about that Mumtaz we saw in the Karachi Zoo. I don't know how many people recall that thing and most of the people I know have no interest in zoos or animals as it is so I never get to know if they would know about Mumtaz.

Anyway, a short recap is that since ages, Karachi Zoo used to have this one main attraction for visitors called "Mumtaz Mahal" or "Mumtaz Begum" and some people also called it the "Fox Lady". The organizers used loudspeakers to gain attention of the visitors to also see Mumtaz. People had to buy an extra ticket to see her.

I remember, Nadira, Umar and I saw that ugly, weird thing. I couldn't find its picture on the net to share. The zoo claimed that it was a supernatural thing caught in Africa and has been alive since 35 years. It had the body of fox and face of a lady. And it used to have such a heavy make up and used to talk to people.

I got so scared of Mumtaz the first time I saw him. For a week I was shit scared of him.

It was a hoax. It was some eunuch I guess. Hideous and scary.

Wonder if it's still there in the zoo :P I do feel like visiting the zoo though. But looking at these pictures I don't think it would be that great. Would definitely want to see Mumtaz again hehehe

For Bilal and His Baby Girl :)

It is a happy morning. I had good sleep as well. It's kinda chilly here in the mornings and at night too.

Though I plan to just sleep like a bear in hibernation but it doesn't happen much. I got up and came online and got to know that one of my dearest friends Bilal has become a father to a baby girl.

I was like wooohoooooooooooooooooo....genuinely happy for my buddy. The first in the gang to become a father.

Wishing him, his wifey and the baby girl lots of happiness.

And waiting for some karahi party in Hyderabad :)

My man!

This is by far the best pic Z has taken & of course the credit goes to both the models. Beyond any doubt, the models rock :P

Alright. I know Bobo is cute as hell but so far Nadz is concerned, Z actually did a good job cause I rarely ever look good.

Bobo has been one of our favourite cats. Lately he has suffered a great deal as he has severe skin problem. In fact he has been on meds every now & then as skin allergy is something you don’t ever get rid of. He has been very special as his elder siblings (Rhea & Tommy) had leukemia & we were scared that Bobo too would have the same problem. And Tommy was a great elder brother. I think Bobo has been very lucky to have him in his life. And they both looked cute while playing coward, coward.

When we named him Bobo, we didn’t know that in Portuguese, bobo means a fool. Anyhow, Bobo happens to be the fool in some exotic Shakespearean play & you will why. He’s actually a very talkative cat. In fact he can go on forever. The other day, my mother that Bobo is just like Papa & Dadi as he can never shut up! We often call him Bobo Rahman & he loves the sound of it.

Bobo is the guy whose pic Z has put on Speak Your Mind.

My kittens

My kittens are not feeling well. They have skin allergy & one can’t say anything if they would survive or not. Such little kittens need their mom for at least 6 weeks & they have been without her for 19 days. Naturally they aren’t strong enough & so they are being infected.

In the evening, I thought one of them fainted & was about to die but he couldn’t breathe & he was choked. The vet is also not that optimistic as they are very little & without their mother. Although they seem a little better but one can’t say anything as even adult cats are so fragile.

2 days ago, they learnt to sit on my shoulders. I was reading & one of the babies used to come & sit on the book & the other used to jump whenever I used to write something in my notebook.

I have been thinking that mothers are very important for the babies & I feel sick to my stomach when I think of the healthy puppies & dogs who were killed in our so-called posh DHA shit.

You know I feel well protected as long as my mother is alive. I often say to her that you bury me & then you die. You’re just not dying on me. She always says kya baqwaas hai Nadira. I’m an adult & still I feel this way. I just can’t afford to lose another parent. Papa had instant solution for almost everything. And I think I have survived for so long as I happen to be the hot favourite of my mother.

Anyway I hope both the kittens survive. I’m going to give it my best shot. And I have also decided that from now on, I’m not looking after more babies as some of my cats aren’t trustworthy. Plus my health is also deteriorating & I just can’t take the god-damn meds. Sometimes wherever you turn, you’re at a loss.

Bloody Taliban

I just can’t think of addressing them in any other way. Earlier on I said that they should be thrown out from Pakistan. But now I think they all must be killed as they are hard-core criminals, besides being fanatics of high order.

“The army is up against about 10,000 battle-hardened Pakistani Taliban, plus up to 1,500 foreign fighters, mostly Uzbeks closely tied to al-Qaeda. Pakistan is rushing to capture the territory in the next six to eight weeks, before winter snows make the going much harder.”



Killing innocent students & people is not at all Islamic. But again how can you explain this to terrorists. They think they are fooling others but they are the ones who are lost. Although we don’t give a shit to that…the thing is…they kill innocent people & that is so wrong. Who has given them the right to take anyone’s life? It’s very openly written in the Quran: “The judgment is God’s alone. He relates the truth, & He is the Best of deciders.”

And in another verse it is being said:

“Then who does greater evil than he who forges against God a lie, in order that he may lead mankind astray without any knowledge? Surely God guides not the people of the evildoers.”

I have seen that religion is being dragged by those who don’t have any clue as to what is faith.

I remember when I wrote on Rajm & called it not an Islamic punishment, my sister got mails from people saying that they have read this in the hadith collection that it is very much Islamic. Aren’t we supposed to read the Quran 1st? If you don’t have the time, at least read Surah Noor. I think it’s our duty when we have people who are interpreting it in the wrong way & sending strange kind of messages to the world. But here anyone who speaks against the Blasphemy law or the damn Hudood laws, that person is regarded kafir.

Even if you mistakenly think that you are wronged by others…that doesn’t mean that you should kill them or create trouble for them or throw mud at them just because your arguments are laughable & they aren’t being understood. I think it’s low on the part of anyone who takes another’s life. It’s not just a crime, it’s also a sin. But sadly I don’t think anyone will wake up. Taliban are a gone case. They are totally lost. It’s one thing to believe that you are on the right path but it’s totally suffocating to impose that path & laughable views on others. And what can we expect from lunatics when we can’t even make the so-called educated people to understand a thing that’s beyond them!

If music be the food of love, play on

“Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.”

This is not just about music; it’s about everything. Some people hear a drummer that cannot be heard & when they dance, they call it eccentricity.

There was a time when I couldn’t live without music & now there are days when I don’t listen to music at all. But somehow that sweetie/sweety song had the kind of charm that no one can miss. I didn’t know that we had that sort of treasure. I couldn’t understand the 3rd angrezi line though. It seems that the singer is transforming into some ghoulish creature while singing the 3rd line.

Anyhow this song reminded me of another number which is, ‘I am a disco dancer’ & of course ‘tum say hai tum say pyaar.’

Although Beedi is one of my favorite songs but I saw this mujra on TV & the song had been insulted badly by this strange woman. Besides heaving our boobs & shaking her ass, she used to open her legs too. I’m sorry to say but it wasn’t at all an appealing sight. She was one fat cow. I think she was some Pakistani actress but I’m not sure.

Yesterday my kid sister too had been doing some investigation - that too revolved around one such person but she’s not an actress. My sister loves acquiring this sort of knowledge & she thinks I’m missing out a lot in life. The thing is…when I was a teenager, I watched too many x-rated movies. And it’s not that I mind watching stuff but I do have a certain standard.

Last but not least, it has dawned on me once again that extra sweet & extremely nice people are never really nice. And I so have the urge to go to some really cool dance party & it would be excellent if they play ‘Some say I am sweety’ all night long.

What a beauty!

I once read that thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. And I don’t like people who call them selfish as they don’t know them at all. Anyway, I’d so like to have a cat just like this one. He must have been such a cute kitten.

Celebrity Talk

Johnny Deep has always been my favourite as he’s a natural artist. Anyway he doesn’t want his children to become actors. And this is what he said: “I always show them my various costumes & they love it. My children seem to take my job for grated. But I honestly hope that Lily-Rose & Jack don’t want to become actors – that’s my greatest fear.”

Paris Hilton has adopted a pig & named her Princess Piglette (that’s a cute name) but this has annoyed activists at the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). They have branded her as a “wretched example” for her young fans as she treats here pets like they are “as disposable as her friends.” According to them, the Chihuahuas, ferrets, & kinkajous in the past were not accessories, & pot-bellied pigs aren’t either. So this is the story of Ms Hilton who likes pets but don’t know how to treat them. She likes to carry them every where though.

I also read some stuff about Kareena & Saif but I’m quite bored of them.

Singer Christina Aguilera has been making statements. This is the only one worth sharing though: “I feel sexiest in the nude. I think women are such sensual beings. I mean, I’m married & I love my husband & I love what we do together. But honestly, if I had to choice between viewing a naked man or a naked woman, I’d choose the woman. We’re just naturally sexier & more beautiful to look at.”

I wouldn’t make a choice. I would look at both. And there are sexy men out there. I don’t know why women think they are the only ones.

My Sweetys

Yesterday my sweety buddy Hareem messaged me to watch this link on her profile. I tried but it never worked. So, later at night I tried watching it from home and it did. And somehow it is kinda stuck in my head.

And this is like funny yet our roots :) Our film industry's true face. Today it's seriously distorted so there is no point discussing it.

Thus, cutting the long story short...this video had to be preserved and to be dedicated to my sweetys Hareem (who introduced me to this lovely video with groovy dance moves :P) and to Nadzy (who has displayed some of these sexy moves and especially her discussion on Zeba ji's entry every time she said "I am Sweety!").

Truly you two are SWEETY and Queen of Beauty :)

Wake Up Sid

I will not write a lot but I definitely need to fill some space here. Last night I watched this movie "Wake Up Sid" starring Ranbir Kapoor and Konkona Sen. And after a long time I ended up watching some really good entertainment.

The best part was that it was so natural - so true to life and simple. There was hardly any scene that was boring. I don't like the actress at all but she was perfect too for the role.

The whole plot of how the immature guy grows up and realizes how to be responsible is very nicely shown. Plus there weren't any stupid superficial dancing around the trees songs as well. All the better!

Totally love it...a must watch for people who like genuine stuff.

So keep at it and whenever you see it start off like my friend who said..."Let's Wake Sid UP!" :P

My vampire

This is my vampire & I have named her Macbeth. I don’t know why I named her so but at that time, I couldn’t think of any other name.

Macbeth hasn’t been my favourite play but I really like this line…I mean the sound of it:

“Fair is foul & foul is fair.”

The oldest story

I couldn’t help asking myself this question, how long am I going to stay stupid? Or how long am I going to be taken as some fool? The word that came to my mind was of course’ forever.’ I’m well aware that my record on stupidity has been excellent so far. Now the only question left to be answered is: am I that stupid?

This April, Z & I went for tarot card reading & this man said that I would meet an old friend. I just hope it’s not gonna be my best friend. I’m seriously not in the mood of meeting people I don’t want to meet. My cousin dreaded that my brother might marry her but we don’t know if my cousin liked my brother but she was jealous of my friend. But there wasn’t anything of the sort.

Anyway just recently Z narrated this childish story of a 19 year old getting married to some 22 year old. The parents didn’t know & for 1 year, they kept on trying hard to get pregnant. Although you can manage to do all this anywhere but in this case, the guy was the brother of this girl’s best friend. Naturally things were easy. The best friend didn’t know anything & that is one of the oldest stories.

I also have a story of similar nature. Recently I discovered that one of my good friends has been going out with my brother for the past 4 years. And all along, she pretended to be single & sad – that’s one thing that I don’t like. (You know when I was in love, which was one-sided…I was very happy & I didn’t need to pretend otherwise. Of course I don’t remember it now as he means nothing to me). Although they have been friends & yet she pretended she was scared to talk to him. I am sorry but I so don’t understand this. My brother has always been saying that he doesn’t want to get married to anyone & at the same time, he has been having an affair. If I look at it from an open mind, I can understand all this. This is typical Pakistani behavior – to hide things & pretend to be something else. When my kitten died, that gave her an opportunity to talk to me…even when I mentioned that as I knew it, she had no intention of telling me herself. Anyway this story ends here.

Lately I have also heard some more stories from my friends about their flop affairs. There’s one thing I have noticed…guys for the most part fall for such sluttish girls & when they ditch them, they are in a state of shock. And some really sharif females also drive guys to the point of committing suicide. And if a guy accidentally falls for a different kind of female, then he’s invariably hesitant to talk to her.

I also had a friend who kept on cursing her parents, as they were not looking for a guy. She used to pray all the time. When she got engaged, you should have seen that change of attitude. I don’t understand how people forget their yesterday. She was a supreme example. In fact she makes for a classic case as all the time she was sad that she might not experience sex. And what I used to find amusing was that she was in search of a virgin.

To put it mildly, all these cute people have given me headaches. Since I do not pretend to be what I am not, it’s easier for me to write all this. My sister thinks that I can write about anything. Honestly, I haven’t even said what I wanted to. You know when that kitten was dying, he was opening his mouth every 15 seconds…he was in a lot of pain. People kill others in a similar manner by calling them friends. Honesty is the foundation of every relationship. Unfortunately in our part of the world, secretive nature seems to be the factor that’ll take you miles, but you can’t have everything when you are into hiding & pretending.

Oh gosh, I forgot to mention the most amazing story…my mother’s best friend got married to her annoying brother & man she turned out to be one bitch!

PS Some people may not like it but I need to get it out of my system.

Z’s imagination

Z’s imagination doesn’t know any boundary. I’m amused when she knows exactly as to what is going on inside another person’s mind or how that person would react in a specific situation. Unfortunately I can’t give examples.

She seems so cute when she reads out some of her sms to me. I’m always touched that somebody shares almost everything with me. I was dead against someone for a long time. I still don’t approve of him but I’ve noticed that this particular man sounds quite young & cool in his messages but this doesn’t mean much cause he’s not young & cool. However, I often say to Z, ‘I’ll back you any way.’ :P And I mean it lol Even if I won’t like the guy, you have my support but yes I won’t go out of my way as I did when I was stupid.

Today Z was in a bad mood & she wasn’t feeling well either, yet we did little bit of bitching. Both Ammi & Z make such cool & nasty statements. You just can’t get them out of your head…at least I can’t. According to Z, there are only 2 single people on this planet. (In a way, she is right). And incidentally my mom also said that what wouldn’t she give to stay single & she has spent her entire life with men she just doesn’t like. Ammi was also yelling at one of the cats this Sunday that you all eat so much & yet you kill kittens. Although I was crying at that time but it sounded pretty hilarious. Ammi has a history of making such statements. And Z has inherited this quality.

This piece sounds pretty boring to me but nevertheless I’m going to post it.

And Z, I badly want to become a khala & I want a niece that looks exactly like you. Is it possible in this lifetime? :P

Chocolate Fudge Cake

Z, Sirin was not at her home. Anyway here’s what you wanted.

Cake


CoCo powder 65 gms
hot water 1 cup
eggs 4
vanilla 1 t sp
cake powder 240 gms
corn powder 30 gms
sugar 300 gms
baking powder 1 tb sp
salt 1/4 t sp
butter 227 gms
rasberry jam
bake 180 ๐C 45 min in two of 9" round that you can get two round cakes and put jam between that


fudge chocolate

bittersweet chocolate 170 gms
rum 1 tb sp
whipping cream 190 gms

this is for topping and decoration

Now you better make one for me soon :P

What’s the message?

I still feel like shit. In a way, I’m responsible for his death. Although I just wanted him to have a good time. I feel all the more bad as they have been fed by dropper. Yesterday they started having little food all by themselves but this happened after his death. I know accidents happen. I also know that he was God’s child as well. But I don’t understand why it happened. What is God trying to tell me?

Everything happened in a minute…although I separated Kali, yet I couldn’t save the child. It took him around 10 minutes or so to die. I was with him all the while & thank God for that. You know whether someone lives with you for 9 years or just 10 days, you become used to that pet. I have raised many kids in my room. Kali has been shifted recently here as Ruby beats her. It was stupidity on my part to miss it. I have cats who have fed the kids of others too but cats are not docile by nature; such accidents can happen. I knew it & yet I wasn’t careful.

When Princey died, I was not awake & I still curse myself as he was the one who didn’t leave me even for a second when I was ill. The crystals were removed; everything went well & still my baby died. There were times when I used to wake up & see him sleeping on my pillow. I have cats all around me but no one has ever been that special. Again when Tokyo died, I was taking bath. I was awake the entire night. I knew Tokyo wouldn’t make it. Although he was on meds for 1 & a half month…still his condition kept on deteriorating. He was a very talkative boy. Once I was giving him bath & after quite some time, he asked me as to why I was doing this to him. Whenever I used to change bed sheet, he used to come & sit in the middle & didn’t let me make the bed. He used to come & sit in my laps. He had such a cute voice. I miss it all & he was only 1 year & 3 months old. I lost both Princey & Tokyo, due to damn urethra blockage.

Both Rhea & Tommy had leukemia. They were siblings. There was nothing I could do. They both lived for 1 & a half year & then the only option was to euthanize them & end the misery. Kitty ate some poisonous thing & I was on my way to the clinic when he died in the car. Ash didn’t live in the house & got maggot in one of his legs. He was on treatment but he used to run away, then the vet asked me to either euthanize him or at some later stage, I might have to get his leg amputated & that was so out of question. Sabi disappeared when she went out of the house, & I wanted her to explore. Kitty, Sabi, Princey, Ash, & Kitty were all with me when I was ill & they all died & I couldn’t do anything.

Munnee was a stray kitten. She too was one talkative girl & she also used to live in the house. She was well trained. Then one day she disappeared. She came back after 3 or 4 days, & her tail was injured. She had an accident. Anyway, the vet removed her tail. But she never recovered. She suffered from various other illnesses after that terrible accident. She died when she was 7 months old & for 2 months she was in agony all the time. When I used to clean up her wounds, she used to purr. She was also attacked by bees while having loose motions & that triggered her death. I was with her while she was dying. She was extremely grateful.

Smokey was abused by his owner for years & then we met him. He lived with us for 9 months. He was in a pretty shape, thanks to that bastard. By the way, Smokey was a Persian cat. In spite of that, he had a miserable life. I’m glad he met us. Even while he was dying, he was grateful.

Anyway I have decided that I will keep both the kittens. I have been looking after them & they are mine. I have reached the conclusion that I must get stray dogs out of my mind as this kind of accident could happen again & I don’t want to witness it.

I don’t know how long will I take to understand the meaning behind yesterday’s accident. I so detest it when my pets get hurt or die & God is testing me at that time. I don’t like such trials in which innocent creatures are being murdered.

I have been called mad by a number of people for what I’m doing. According to them, it’s sheer madness to care for helpless animals. In fact I don’t know a single Pakistani who doesn’t look down on me for what I’m doing. I don’t give a flying fuck to it though. I also know that my siblings, friends & relatives are ashamed of it that I don’t work & I’m not married, but I have been doing mad things (like wasting my time on animals). Nevertheless I will continue with my so-called madness or whatever, because I don’t think much of the pretentious life that people are leading. If I satisfy myself, that is more than enough.