“I have drunk too much but only from the well of unhappiness.”
“My memories are like the coins in the devil’s purse: when it was opened, nothing was found in it but dead leaves.”
Jean-Paul Sartre
There are times when I hate myself for not giving up till the end & this is how I feel right now. Although I knew that Fluffy’s case was critical & yet I thought he would make it. And he was fighting with his illness. He was a very brave cat but then who has ever changed his fate. We are only marionettes & the string is in somebody else’s hand.
In a way, I’m glad that he’s no more in agony. I hope Fluffy meets some really chic & sexy cats. Before his neuter, he had one hell of a sexy life. And when we took away his manhood, he was more happy & relaxed. He was the only cat I’ve seen who was so happy on the 2nd day of his neuter. He was indeed a well loved cat. He was not just beautiful but also lucky as my mom was mad about him. Both Fluffy & Princey were my mother’s favorite kids.
We usually go to the Pirzadas but when it is some critical case, we go to Dr. Isma. She did a good job but it was written that Fluffy wouldn’t survive. I don’t have anything against the vets. And I have been thinking that it was difficult to diagnose the disease right at the outset. We needed the medical advice of Dr. Abrar as well so when we met him, even he said that at least 3 or 4 cats come every week with this problem & all these cats who have bones in their stomachs, they die.
It’s nothing rare. And I guess it’s common sense that cats do eat bones along with the chicken. One of the ladies inquired me as to what was wrong with Fluffy & she was so shocked to hear that & when she asked me what sort of bones…I had the urge to say wooden bones ma’am. I like torturing my cats.
My sister mentioned another lady in her write-up. I had the misfortune to see that woman on all the 3 days. I don’t know what was wrong with her cat though. But she was one talkative & bitchy woman. She used to talk to one person & when that person used to go, she used to bitch about that person with some other person. She also thought she knew it all & besides that she has this perpetual hideous grin on her face (it seemed as if cow dung has been placed under her nose…it was that sort of grin) & she tried her best to make sure that everyone regards her as the nicest person on this planet. She also thought she was the only one who knew about viruses & she used to bitch about people who came with their cats & dogs being infected. And I also heard her saying that she is the most emotional person when it comes to cats. By the way, she was so emotional that she didn’t have the time to wash her clothes as well & she wore that pathetic yellow, transparent shalwar kameez on a daily basis. I never talked to her & thank God for that but I also knew where she worked, she wanted to travel but she can’t, thanks to her cats. And she is also single. That was shocking as bitches are usually married. Since time immemorial, men have adored bitches & fakers. Anyway, I bet you can see all the wannabes of Karachi at this clinic. But on second thoughts, you can see wannabes anywhere in Karachi. We are left with fakers. Individuality has been successfully murdered & fakeness has invaded.
My brother has this idea in his head that now I must work on animal shelter. There was a time when I wanted to do all this but now I can’t. I’m really sick of seeing my babies die. No matter what we do, somehow we never succeed. And those psychos (read Taliban) who go around exploding bombs everywhere will have no problem in killing innocent animals. And there are people who are madly in love with animals or at least that’s what the image they project. I’m referring to the kind who can’t help telling you that their love is supreme. How the fuck does anyone know that? Anyhow I’m not capable of that kind of love. I even yell at my cats when there is a need.
I think strays have the kind of freedom that people don’t have the brains to imagine. That is why they say we live in a free country.
Anyway when I’m really down, I often go through the translation of the Quran & this is what I read today after Fluffy’s death:
“This is of my Lord’s bounty that He may try me, whether I am thankful or ungrateful. Whosoever gives thanks gives thanks only for his own soul’s good, & whosoever is ungrateful – my Lord is surely All sufficient, All- generous.”
